| my life as you know it. |
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| 04:53pm 25/08/2004 |
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...feels like its over, but im almost positive that it never began.
all i have to live for are a few people who hate life just as much as i do. how do i get myself into these fucked up situations? |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| its a mild kind of stabbing sensation... |
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| 05:44pm 04/08/2004 |
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mood:  curious music: memphis minnie
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i must have looked at the image at least 12 times. and each time got longer. from every angle. every size available. and then i thought about it, as my eyes narrowed on the lips, pressed against the shoulder. lightly. with the same restraint used to keep your eyes shut when youre pretending to be asleep. like she is in the picture.
why are we all trying so hard to hold back.
and i thought about it... the odd sensation in the pit of my stomach. cant be jealousy. i know im not familiar enough with it... but im sure thats one of the first symptoms. so i swallow hard and look away.
for about 20 minutes.
then im back. i have to see if i feel it again. what if i do. what if im jealous... its not my fault he makes me feel .... . different than the rest.
so why does he look exactly the same lying with her? |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| you said id be blue. |
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| 07:53pm 05/05/2003 |
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mood:  envious music: bratmobile. pottymouth
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i dislike the color blue. except cobalt blue, but thats even ruined because of the evil connotation with that damn cafe. this is what i do on my day off.
fuck your fans.1234. |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| fuck this...you know the rest |
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| 02:34am 02/02/2003 |
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mood: lonely music: murder city devils
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why did i want him to read this?
for the same reason i want to go home
words cant explain.
i guess i need certain things to feel
alive.
i really need anything right now.
anything. |
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Read 6 - Post |
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| where did all the wise men go... |
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| 02:39am 17/01/2003 |
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mood:  crazy music: the sound of your heart breaking... oh thats so good.
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i havent slept. falling into this pattern again cant be a good thing. i need cigarettes. and a shower. ...this is what my life has boiled down to..
xoxox |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| desire... |
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| 02:54pm 11/01/2003 |
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mood: awake, finally music: julie ruin
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"...so much confusion in the world. thanks for being so kind, i need kindness..."
taking someones v card isnt so great. i feel like a cunt. but it must be part of some great ritual, because my hearts still broken, and i just dont care anymore. should it stop hurting this fast??? fuck...who cares im not dead...
xoxox |
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Post |
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| killing him |
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| 09:53pm 01/01/2003 |
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mood: bitter music: bikini kill - reject all american
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theres a story but its too long to tell. there are emotions but theyre too complx to describe.
ever get the feeling youve been cheated? |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| wish you were soma |
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| 04:24am 31/12/2002 |
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im drunk
im drunk
im drunk
im drunkl
im drunl
im drunk
im drunk
fucking him waS BEtter than loving you. |
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Post |
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| slutcore! |
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| 02:41am 21/12/2002 |
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mood: cheeseyasfuck music: bratmobile*pottymouth
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i havent slept in forever. i spent last night bathing/showering... you know that thing you do when youre too lazy to stand in the shower so you turn it into a bath? i hate baths. and i wasnt lazy, just cold. then i put on black undies and layed in bed with the window open and my pink lights on. my room still smelled like smoke and perfume. the whole fucking thing makes me think of a different boy and a different time. maybe its the lack of sleep but it was like a dream.deleriummm. odd.how smells and panties can cause you to go into a time warp. ive been wanting to wear pink and black too often lately.
i know i should stick to what i know
i should stick to red.
i love red. |
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Post |
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| workin on it |
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| 02:12am 20/12/2002 |
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my best friend abandons me tomorrow. we moved to san francisco at the same time. we were sposed to live together and we didnt, but we promised to go together anyways. now shes movin back home. i guessi feel like she didnt try hard enouh to stay, and makes me kinda bitter. only, im more consumed with the thought of missing her than being mad at her. ill have to make friends i guess. ive lived here for 4 months now, and i have made like 2 friends. i miss my friends. theyre mucch better then anyone else....so why bother trying to replace them. hah. i go home sunday........no smoking, stupid boy. |
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rubybhyman's journal